When Nathan, founder of The Almoner, asked me to write about the “Anatomy of the Ask,” my mind immediately returned to high school and college science classes—facts, experiments, science fairs—none of which were my strong suit. Even now, in my career as a fundraiser, I lean far more into the art of the work than the science.
I’m not the most data-driven fundraiser; I pride myself on being relationally driven. Emotional intelligence is my compass, helping me navigate conversations and foster meaningful engagement.
That said, when I pause to reflect, I realize there is a method to my madness—a framework, even if it feels intuitive rather than calculated.
Getting to Know You
What many in the fundraising world call the “qualification phase,” I prefer to think of as the “Getting to Know You” phase (cue the classic song from The King and I). This stage is foundational to any successful ask. By asking thoughtful questions, actively listening, and authentically sharing your mission, you uncover key insights: the donor’s philanthropic interests, personal values, and connection to your organization.
The goal? To listen for that moment. That spark of connection when you see their passion align with your mission. It’s a moment that signals potential—a moment where you can plant a seed.
Planting the Seed
Jim Langley describes this beautifully:
“Nothing can be cultivated if a seed is not first planted. In fundraising, the seed is an idea, a ‘what might be.’ It can be broached conversationally, presented in a draft concept paper, or previewed as some form of demonstration. The key is to present it first as a concept to see if it resonates with a prospective donor.”
Planting a seed is about presenting an idea or inviting someone to consider a larger investment in your work. It’s not about forcing the ask; it’s about creating an opening.
Practically speaking, this could happen over coffee, during a tour of your facilities, or even on a Zoom call. It’s about guiding the conversation to a point where you can say something like:
“You’ve shared how much this cause means to you, and I see how deeply you care. Have you ever considered making a transformational gift to amplify your impact?”
It’s a small nudge, but it’s intentional and meaningful.
The Often-Unspoken Ingredient: Courage
And when it comes to fundraising, there’s one word that doesn’t get mentioned enough: courage.
These moments—when you plant the seed or extend the invitation—aren’t easy for most people. Fear, insecurity, or distraction can creep in and threaten to sabotage the moment. The antidote? Courage.
Here’s the truth: they know you’re a fundraiser. They agreed to the meeting. They’re expecting some level of “the ask.” But what they may not expect is your mindfulness and intentionality by coming to the conversation prepared with thoughtful questions and genuine curiosity.
So, be brave. Trust your instincts. And remember that fundraising isn’t just about dollars and data; it’s about connecting people to causes they care about in a meaningful way.
In the end, the art and science of fundraising work together. The anatomy of the ask is a balance of preparation, emotional intelligence, and a healthy dose of courage.
Want More? Here Are 7 Tips for Success
- Prep, Prep, Prep
Have your questions ready in advance. Think about how you might pivot based on their responses (for the science-minded, think of it as a flowchart). Practice with a colleague if needed. - Focus on One Ask at a Time
Don’t overwhelm your donor by asking them to attend an event, join your board, and make a gift all at once. Prioritize, and start with the most important ask. - Share the Impact
When making an ask, emphasize how it will make a difference. Think of three specific outcomes or examples to share. - Be Human
It’s okay if you’re not perfectly smooth. People appreciate authenticity. If you stumble over your words, take a breath and restart. - A “No” Isn’t Personal
A “no” or “not right now” isn’t about you. You never know someone’s commitments or circumstances. You’re just the liaison—the messenger. Don’t be afraid to follow up by asking if it’s the program, the amount, or the timing that doesn’t suit. - Chicken Out? No Worries
If you freeze up when making an ask, don’t panic. Instead, ask if you can send them a proposal. Then, head back to the office and craft a dynamic proposal based on your conversation. - Keep the Ball in Your Court
If their response is a “yes,” offer assistance and follow up. People often have good intentions but forget to follow through. Be proactive and helpful.
You got this!
